‘I’d Like to Report a Murder’ (Video)

Greg Gutfeld kind of, sort of, passive-aggressively addressed rumors that he is the mystery man with whom Geraldo Rivera clashed on Fox News’ “The Five,” making a glancing joke at the top of his show about the ousted veteran journalist and commentator’s appearance on “The View.”

Rivera gave his first TV interview Thursday since exiting Fox News, stopping by “The View” to reveal that he had “a very toxic relationship” with one of his male cohosts on “The Five.” Though Rivera didn’t name names, speculation was rampant that it was Gutfeld, with whom he regularly crossed swords.

Gutfeld backed into the topic to open his late-night show later that night: “It’s ‘Crime Roundup Thursday,’ just rolls right off the tongue there,” Gutfeld said. “First, let’s go to ‘The View,’ where I’d like to report a murder.”

He then played Rivera’s clip from the ABC talk show, in which he says: “I was fired from ‘The Five,’ I had a very toxic relationship with one of the guests. And also I thought it was very unfair that I was not judged objectively in our disputes, but rather he was always favored.”

As if on cue, the “Gutfeld!” audience broke into jeers.

“Hmmm, No no no no no, poor thing,” Gutfeld said. “In lieu of flowers, we’ve set up a GoFundMe page to get him a barber. … But I credit ‘The View’ for finally finding a guest with a mustache bigger than their panelists’. They’re a hairy bunch.”

And that was it.

Rather than belabor the point, Gutfeld quickly shifted into bagging on Democratic lawmakers in California for initially opposing a bill that would impose longer sentences on child sex-trafficking offenders by classifying the crime as a serious felony.

“They were worried it would lead to longer sentences,” Gutfeld said, venting what, at that point, must’ve been an overfull spleen. “Isn’t that the point, you f—— idiots! You want a dumb sentence, you dumb, pedophile-supporting, child-mutilating, criminal ass-kissing, overtaxing, morally bankrupt, drug addict street poopers! You are putting innocent children in danger!”

Watch the whole thing go down in the video above.