While the Spider-Man movies may be one of the most popular film franchises on the planet, that doesn’t mean that they’ve necessarily aged perfectly in every way. Like any film franchise, it sometimes has lines of dialogue that are far worse with the benefit of hindsight. There isn’t a film without poorly matured lines of dialogue, but due to the Spider-Man franchise being as popular as it is, theirs are a lot more memorable.
Whether the dialogue is a sign of the times it was written in, gets contradicted later, or is just downright terrible, the Spider-Man franchise is not without its literary failures. Every iteration of the character has had some. Tobey Maguire‘s franchise often screams early 2000s dialogue, Andrew Garfield‘s can be all-around goofy, and Tom Holland‘s had a tendency to sport some of those classic Marvel Cinematic Universe cringe jokes. These are the most poorly-aged Spider-Man quotes that make you wonder how they were ever approved.
10 “Look at the baby mountain goats!”
Peter Parker/Spider-Man (Tom Holland) – ‘Spider-Man: Far From Home’ (2019)
Spider-Man: Far From Home is a solid film, but the second act struggles with the quality of its writing. The worst offender is the bus scene in which Peter Parker accidentally summons a killer drone that’s set its sights on Brad Davis (Remy Hii). To take out the drone, Peter decides to distract the entire bus (somehow with not one single soul looking at him) by telling them there are “baby mountain goats” outside.
The line is just absurd and borderline nonsensical, to the point where it seems straight out of a ’60s cartoon. Peter proves himself an incredibly capable hero and could’ve handled the situation less stupidly. It’s clear this scene was added for some lighthearted comedy, but there’s a way to execute comedy without making everyone look like simpletons. Seriously? Not even one classmate noticed Peter literally jumping out of the sunroof.
9 “You’re amazing! They should call you… The Amazing Spider-Man!”
Max Dillon/Electro (Jamie Foxx) – ‘The Amazing Spider-Man 2’ (2014)
Everyone can admit that while The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is not nearly as bad as it is made out to be (still rough, though), it’s not without its fair share of goofy dialogue. Max Dillon (Jamie Foxx) is one of the main culprits, especially before he becomes Electro. Writing Max as a Spider-Man fan could have worked in theory but failed miserably in execution.
As stated, before Max becomes the villainous Electro, he’s quite the goofball. When he’s obsessing over Spider-Man, pretending to have a conversation with him, he performs the cliché trope that is saying the name of a film as a tagline or joke of sorts. It feels like a “wink at the camera” moment, and not only did it feel stupid at the time, but looking back in the present makes it feel even worse, especially since audiences have gotten some pretty good writing for Spider-Man since the 2014 film. It’s a shame because Max is one of the best characters in The Amazing Spider-Man 2, but his legacy gets stained because of lines like this one.
8 “Slice his throat, put his head in a dryer.”
Mac Gargan (Michael Mando) – ‘Spider-Man: Homecoming’ (2017)
The post-credits scene for 2017’s Spider-Man: Homecoming made some big promises with the reappearance of Mac Gargan (Michael Mando) after his beat down earlier in the film. The end credits scene teases that both Gargan and the Vulture (Michael Keaton) will be making a return to take on Tom Holland’s Spider-Man, a promise that was ultimately not kept.
Fans of Spider-Man know that Gargan is the civilian identity of the fan-favorite villain Scorpion. Thus, the hint of a potential team-up made audiences super excited at the thought of seeing the antagonist finally get his live-action appearance, especially after hearing him say he wants to throw the web-slinger’s “head in a dryer.” Unfortunately, seven years later, Gargan has yet to make another appearance in the Marvel Cinematic Universe, meaning this promising post-credit scene ultimately amounted to nothing.
7 “He’s just a… kid. No older than my son.”
Train Passenger (Tony Campisi) – ‘Spider-Man 2’ (2004)
The sequence with the train passengers after the iconic train fight in Spider-Man 2 is heartfelt and sweet. There’s one line that doesn’t age very well, though. When one of the train passengers mentions that Peter is “just a kid,” it feels incredibly odd, given that Tobey Maguire was 28 years old at the time, and it’s quite obvious.
Looking back, this otherwise harmless quote ages poorly because audiences finally have a teenage Spider-Man who actually looks like one, making the line feel even more outlandish. It’s not out of the question for an older man to call a 28-year-old a “kid,” but in the context of the scene, it feels off. It’s not a particularly bad or offensive joke, but it does stand out within the movie as an eyebrow-raising moment.
6 “Look at little Goblin Jr. Gonna cry?”
Peter Parker/Spider-Man (Tobey Maguire) – ‘Spider-Man 3’ (2007)
To be fair, this line was quite fun at the time of Spider-Man 3‘s release in 2007, and it arguably still is, but for far different reasons. As meme culture went on to develop on the internet, the Sam Raimi Spider-Man trilogy got a new life as a seemingly inexhaustible source for memes. This line, in particular, was used frequently as a meme that spread like wildfire.
Looking back on films like Spider-Man 3 becomes a much different experience when paying extra attention to all the silly and awkward lines, many of which are meant to be taken seriously. With the new context of all the memes using lines like this one, hearing them in the context of the film can take viewers out of the watching experience. Maguire’s delivery here is quite funny, so at least the line still has that going for it.
5 “You’re a fraud, Spider-Man!”
Harry Osborn/Goblin (Dane DeHaan) – ‘The Amazing Spider-Man 2’ (2014)
If there’s a plot line in a Spider-Ma n film that is convoluted and ridiculous, it’s the Harry Osborn (Dane DeHaan) stuff in The Amazing Spider-Man 2. As Harry discovers he is dying, he seeks out Spider-Man’s blood, hoping it will cure him. Not only is the audience aware that this is a profoundly stupid idea, but so is Spider-Man himself.
When the hero turns down the dying playboy, Harry throws a tantrum, calling Spidey a “fraud.” As The Amazing Spider-Man 2 continues, and he finally gets his hands on the spider venom he’s been seeking, Harry transforms into the horrifying Goblin. His tantrum for a cure suddenly feels even dumber, as the audience and protagonist were right in assuming that this transfusion would only ail him.
4 “Want forgiveness? Get religion.”
Peter Parker/Spider-Man (Tobey Maguire) – ‘Spider-Man 3’ (2007)
During his dark days with the symbiote in Spider-Man 3, Peter Parker is quite a jerk. When Eddie Brock (Topher Grace), his Daily Bugle rival, gets on his nerves, Peter tells him that if he wants forgiveness, he should “get religion.” This lukewarm insult, funnily enough, would lead to the creation of one of the greatest villains he would ever face.
When Eddie loses everything, he, in fact, seeks religion. As he prays for the death of Peter Parker, he coincidentally finds him in the bell tower removing the symbiote, which drips onto him. Thus, Eddie becomes the terrifying villain, Venom, all because Peter told him to go to church. The line is as soft a burn as they come, further brought down by Maguire’s attempt at looking cool while delivering it. However, the fact this excuse of an insult actually leads to Eddie becoming Venom is just the cherry on top of the ridiculous cake.
3 “Now dig on this…”
Peter Parker/Spider-Man (Tobey Maguire) – ‘Spider-Man 3’ (2007)
One of the cringiest scenes in Spider-Man 3 is when Peter goes out of his way to embarrass Mary Jane (Kirsten Dunst) by showboating Gwen Stacey (Bryce Dallas Howard). Although the scene is definitely self-aware and deliberately campy, a lot of secondhand embarrassing moments happen here. Still, the worst of them is when the music slows down, and Peter whispers, “Now dig on this…”
Much like the other lines from
Raimi’s third installment, the meme culture surrounding
Spider-Man 3
has caused viewers to either roll their eyes or outright laugh at Maguire’s awkward delivery.
This is arguably one of, if not the most famous, cringe scenes in Spider-Man 3. The snapping and hip thrusts immediately following this line send chills down the spines of many. Much like the other lines from Raimi’s third installment, the meme culture surrounding Spider-Man 3 has caused viewers to either roll their eyes or outright laugh at Maguire’s awkward delivery. The line is simple but remarkably silly, and while Peter is supposed to be a nerdy guy trying to be cool, the line is just too embarrassing to work.
2 “Scooby-Doo this sh**!”
Doctor Strange (Benedict Cumberbatch) – ‘Spider-Man: No Way Home’ (2021)
Spider-Man: No Way Home is a pretty solid film and one of the better-written Spider-Man adventures overall. But no good film is without a terrible line, and even from the trailers, people hated Doctor Strange’s (Benedict Cumberbatch) random and awkwardly delivered line in which he tells the gang to “Scooby-Doo this sh**.”
At the end of the day, this line had already aged poorly before the film was even released. It’s just not good and absolutely ruins the moment, especially because Cumberbatch himself looks embarrassed about delivering such a ridiculous phrase. After the abundant praise the film has received (which is completely warranted), going back to watch No Way Home and hearing this line hurts even more because of how good every other aspect is.
1 “That’s a cute outfit! Did your husband give it to you?”
Peter Parker/Spider-Man (Tobey Maguire) – ‘Spider-Man’ (2002)
The film that truly started it all is one of high-stakes action, tastefully campy moments, and pretty good performances for a superhero movie. Alas, it’s certainly a product of the time in which it was released: the early 2000s. When the young man with newborn powers decides to use them to win a wrestling match, he spits out a quip that is definitely homophobic.
When he tells Bones Saw McGraw (Randy Savage) that he’s got a cute outfit, then proceeds to make a joke, making fun of the idea that this man would have a husband, it hits distastefully. While it may be 2002, and a joke like this was more generally accepted at the time, the fact remains that modern cultural sensibilities allow viewers to see it for what it is: a lazy attempt at humor based on harmful stereotypes. It’s aged terribly as the public and society have become more accepting and aware of what is and isn’t offensive to the LGBTQ+ community.
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