While dry turkey, boxed stuffing, and whole cranberry sauce may be at the top of many’s list of “Gratitude Day Icks,” there are things people say at Thanksgiving dinner that piss us off more than any menu mishap ever could. As if inquiries about having babies or jumping brooms aren’t already frustrating enough, for us plus size people, family gatherings often come with pointed-out weight gain and plate-watching from the couch to the cupboards. Thus, opting for a to-go bag is (sometimes) necessary to avoid losing sight of what the tradition is truly about: giving thanks.
Unfortunately, from side-eyes and sarcasm to backhanded compliments and unwarranted health advice, most are burdened with the heaviness of being the center of attention on every special occasion. If we aren’t dealing with pep talks from the “Rich Auntie” riddled with diet recommendations and ways to drop a pound or ten, we have to navigate through comments made by the “Drunk Uncle” and “Goofy Cousin” at the in-laws.
As a result, 30-minute walk-throughs and pulling back on portions out of fear of judgment have (almost) become routine. Subsequently, we’re then left to mask our (un)comfortability when hit with the “why are you leaving so soon” or “what’s wrong” questions, when (respectfully) monitoring today’s food prices should be of higher importance than counting the calories someone else consumes.
Sadly, quite a few individuals have decided to leave the antics at the door (altogether) and enjoy fancy fixings at their humble abode. However, as proud people of the plush party, it’s long overdue that we double down on poor etiquette for our fellow full-figured women (and even men) who may be going home for the holidays or meeting a partner’s loved ones for the first time!
Things People Say at Thanksgiving Dinner That Piss Us Off in the Plus Size Community
#1 – “Didn’t you eat already?”
Leading this group of pet peeves has to be the unsolicited tally of how many servings one has gotten of the plentiful feast everyone’s been digging into for the last few hours. If not any other day of the year, Thanksgiving and Christmas are famously known for cheat days that can be worked off in the gym (if preferred). Let’s normalize letting people eat, drink, and be merry! Life is hard enough without worrying about who had an extra piece of chicken. Have fun!
#2 – “You’ve put on some weight since the last time I saw you.”
A lot of you have probably heard this one as early as childhood. While remarks about how much one has grown since your last interaction with that person aren’t always said from an ill place, calling them to the forefront every time you see them is. Be it adolescent or adult, you never know what battles others are fighting. Weight gain could be due to mental or physical health issues, which is why making it a point to highlight that isn’t ideal. Contrary to popular belief, all “obese” individuals’ size didn’t derive from willingly overeating.
#3 – “I feel fat.”
This term is widely claimed to be offensive, specifically in modern-day body positivity culture. Citing this statement comes off as anti-fat, playing into the stereotype that bigger bodies are seen as inferior and even diabolical among social standards. Despite the overly-pushed narrative, excessive food intake isn’t always the culprit for larger people. Repeating the phrase “I feel fat” only promotes the stigma that every overweight person suffers from obesity because of their eating patterns. Simply swapping the verbiage out for “I feel full” could cut down on the awkwardness that the saying induces for plus-size people. The same goes for the new-age “big back” phenomenon that has dominated online.
#4 – “That’s a lot of food on your plate.”
Joking or not, we’ve seen and heard the plus size person in the room getting picked on over things that are nothing more than human action. One’s plate is not up for anyone else’s discussion. If you’ve ever wondered why your family member’s new boyfriend/girlfriend is afraid to go to the serving table, this could be why. It’s not only considered humiliating (for some) but quite annoying as well.
#5 – “You like them big, don’t you?“
In the Black community, there’s this popularized notion that at least two uncles at the cookout will ask their nephew this question if he brings home a plus size guest. While it has long been said for kicks and giggles on social media, we can vouch for all women when we say, retire it! Just like the infamous “potato salad arms” trend (which judges a woman’s cooking skills by how chubby her arms are) and the cringe-worthy nicknames (such as “Big Sexy” and “Juicy”), this could be deemed dehumanizing and fetishizing.
What to Remember — For the Big Girls, Guys, & the Ones Who Are Supposed to Love Us
- We deserve to take up space without apologizing for it.
- We don’t need reminders of our appearance when we look in the mirror and admire what we see daily.
- The width of our frame doesn’t have to go through anyone’s approval process. What you see is what you get.
- Intentionally saying fatphobic things when you have plus size loved ones isn’t okay.
- At no point is it ever your position to police another person’s body.
- Offering health advice we didn’t ask for is overstepping boundaries.
- We don’t owe an audition to prove or display why your family member chooses to date us or vice versa.
Reading the room and knowing that certain things are off-limits sets the table for healthy dialogue that doesn’t make heavier individuals feel that these conversations are designed to hurt or harm.
Also? Don’t be afraid to share this with your folks, to help them understand from a different perspective!
From your experience, what would you say are the most outlandish things people say at Thanksgiving dinner that you’re not too fond of? Share in the comments below!
